You know what one of the songs of the day/month/year should be for me? Camille O’Sullivan’s cover of “Sugar in My Bowl” (not safe for work, by the way). [My first idea had been to post the “original” 1931 Bessie Smith version, but–believe it or not–that’s even dirtier. The Nina Simone version is probably the tamest; however (and I realize this is almost as un-American as hating Shirley Temple), her voice always creeped me out.]

Yeah, so personal life has been practically non-existant for a while. And it’s not for lack of trying. This year I’ve been on a few first-dates, fewer second-dates, and maybe one third date. The same thing happens every single time. We come to the “What do you do (for a living)?” question. Now while I’ve dated people in academia, it certainly isn’t a pre-requisite. My exes run the gamut from neuroscience to non-profit. Hell, I even dated an actor for a few months.

Still, this was my first year dating as a PhD holder (and not just seeker). Sadly it looks like once the guy discovers that I teach at a college–let alone WHAT I teach– his entire mood changes. Prior to that, we’re doing great. But it’s almost like he becomes intimidated, and feels the sudden need to impress me intellectually. He starts trying to use SAT words–frequently incorrectly (“supercilious” does not mean “super silly”). Immediate turn off. And, seriously, you can set your watch to it. Maybe when I was “just” a student I hadn’t reached some preconceived level of mental elitism?

Regardless…now, as I apply for jobs, and–catch that I am–I cannot tell you where I’m going to be living or working in another nine months, I’ve decided to actively try NOT to try anymore. Whatever happens happens (and probabilistically nothing will happen). While I’d love some sugar in my bowl, I feel like I should try to fry some other fish. So, here’s the (only) kind of spice I’ve been able to squeeze into my life lately. This is not “authentic” etouffee, but I neither had the time nor the budget for authentic etouffee. The one thing I would alter is the crawfish; the ones I bought were cooked but still had shells. I would either buy fresh, or I would de-shell the cooked. But that was honestly the only problem–and that only made eating a mess. See below for proof:

A bowl of carcasses. The carcasses of the roaches of the sea.
A bowl of carcasses. The carcasses of the roaches of the sea.



  • Rice
  • Water and white wine
  • Cayenne pepper
  • Butter
  • Garlic
  • White onion
  • Bell peppers
  • Corn
  • Crawfish
  • Andouille
  • Better than bouillon


  1. In a skillet, cook the andouille. Let it cool, and cut into bite-sized portions.
  2. In a pot, cook the rice in equal parts water and white wine. Throw cayenne pepper into the liquid.
  3. In yet another pot, melt some butter. Throw in garlic, thinly-chopped white onion, and better than bouillon.
  4. When the onions have cooked, throw in the bell peppers (which you’ve also thinly sliced).
  5. When THAT has cooked, throw in the andouille, crawfish, and corn.
  6. When everything is warm and when the rice is done, place some rice at the bottom of a bowl and top with the crawfish/sausage mixture.

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