Beef Fail-ington

Yet again, I’m taking advice from my mother. So we will give her total credit or blame for this article (whichever you feel applies more). She was telling me that at this point I should have the (proverbial, of course) balls to admit when my cooking failed. That it might make me appear more human (and apparently being human is a good thing). It might also make sense given the title of this blog.

Here goes nothing.

I wanted to make beef wellington. Well, actually, no. I wanted to make what I THOUGHT was beef wellington, which–come to find out–is not the reality that is beef wellington.

Here’s what I wanted: a nice cut of beef with sauteed veggies on top, wrapped in puff pastry. I wanted something golden and crispy that still was pink in the center.

Main issue: I didn’t realize liver was involved in the process. And I think I “get it”. You need the liver. Because here’s the problem: in order to cook the puff pastry you need 10-15 minutes at 400*F. Otherwise it will not puff and it will not be cooked to a golden brown perfection. BUT, 10-15 minutes at 400*F gives your meat the consistency of a leather shoe. We’ve all read my rants on grey foods; well-done meat is not well done meat. The purpose of the liver has to be to create a buffer. To protect the meat itself from being overcooked while simultaneously helping the puff pastry not get soggy from the meat and veg.

So here we go…a what NOT to do from TTENG. (By the way, if anyone has any advice…including alternatives to liver for the large numbers of people who hate liver…please feel free to comment.)



  • London broil
  • Salt and pepper
  • Puff pastry
  • Mushrooms
  • Spinach
  • Garlic
  • Butter


  1. Preheat the oven to 400*F.
  2. Saute the garlic, butter, spinach and mushrooms. When they are cooked, drain them to remove excess liquid. Season liberally with salt and pepper.
  3. Roll out the puff pastry. Place the london broil in the center. Top with the veggie mix.
  4. Fold up and bake for 10-15 minutes, or until the puff pastry is cooked.

    This looks like, and very much was, a literal hot mess.
    This looks like, and very much was, a literal hot mess.

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